Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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