...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
