So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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