Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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