3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
