my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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