But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
It's like God shit irony all over that family
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
