I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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