And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Where is the hickey?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
me + whiskey = a bad person
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize