there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
operation harelip BJ is a go
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
