There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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