i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
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