I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
