i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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