At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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