do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
