Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
