I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
