i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
