What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
