Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
