Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
