Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
