I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
