apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
