I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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