So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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