Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
