Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I can't put those talents on a resume
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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