Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize