I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize