I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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