Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
