I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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