P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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