She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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