You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
