i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
