I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
