Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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