Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
