arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
