spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
