Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
