Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
