dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Small penises have feelings too.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
