Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
