I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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