Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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