OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
