I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
