you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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