apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
