We named our party play list daddy issues
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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