Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
