I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
