just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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