i barfeds in our rink
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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