be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
