I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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