You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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