what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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