The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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