I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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