Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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